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Back, & not very happy about it. Somewhat erholt, but having to leave today - snow & snow & snow, with the sun shining from a deep blue sky, not a cloud in sight, was cruel. Gah.


Spent the remainder of last week feeling mostly extremely drained, miserable, alone and the mere thought of joining the crowd of cheerful skiers was unbearable; unreasonably irritated by the pristine glittering whiteness covering everything; too perfect, too cold.

Sometimes the balance feels so very precarious... enough self-assurance to at least face the world, life, or to just withdraw into hiding...

[Times like these, I keep thinking that I want to be one of those strong people who can deal with solitude... I can, most of the time, but that's more habit than strength, I think... ]

However, forced myself to go out for a 1.5 - 3 hr walk every day, so there's at least something. Read a lot.

By Monday my mood had improved, just as the weather was steadily worsening. Long walk around the lake.

Tuesday it really started snowing, spent the day inside, finished re-reading Buddenbrooks, looking out into the swirling whiteness; dug out the car in the afternoon, clearing off at least 30-40 cm of snow.

By then I'd got a little stir-crazy, so Wednesday morning I set out to borrow skis & buy a ski-pass despite the still quite heavy snow-fall. Skiing wasn't too bad until noon, but then conditions steadily worsened; finally gave up at about 3 pm.

It's perhaps that we're not used to real winters any more, but looking out of the window during the evening, the car and everything else disappearing under a thick blanket of snow, a tractor-turned-snow-plow clearing the street and car-park, snow densly swirling in its headlights, coming down hard with no sign of slackening, the mood shifted from romantic and exciting to slightly oppressive, claustrophobic-scary.

Thursday... shoveled free the car, literally. 50 cm? I couldn't even get to Saalbach because of an avalanche blocking the road. Returned home, sent a frustrated SMS to my sister, who called and suggested I should try to drive to Leogang. Which I did, 5 hrs of skiing, not too bad, actually, considering the conditions... clouds finally started to lift a little in the evening. (Rationally considered it was masochism bordering on insanity to even leave home & get into a car, but once you've paid for skis & everything, this tends to create a kind of moral pressure... as does having to leave on Sunday.)

Friday was ok-ish, but also extremely daunting, because the weather had definitely started to improve, a light snow-fall soon petering out, but many of the upper ski-lifts and slopes were still closed because of the danger of avalanches. Still... the clouds finally lifted and started to disperse at about 3 pm, the sun coming through. On skis from 9 to about 16:30, had supper, dropped into bed, totally exhausted, asleep by 9 pm.

Saturday was perfection. A layer of mist soon dispersing, clear, cold, sunny... perfect. There's nothing that comes close to this feeling.

Lost a little weight, I think. Noticed that all the running - even as little as there was since Nov. - has helped a lot with the skiing, legs stronger, easier to control the skis at a higher speed or on difficult slopes.

Read a lot, but that's another entry... v. tired.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 6th, 2005 07:27 pm (UTC)
ooops, welcome back, solitary_roamer!! =)
Feb. 6th, 2005 11:15 pm (UTC)
thanks :)
Feb. 7th, 2005 08:29 am (UTC)
Yeah, welocme back! Hope you feel better soon...
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )


solitary summer

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