?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry


Back, & not very happy about it. Somewhat erholt, but having to leave today - snow & snow & snow, with the sun shining from a deep blue sky, not a cloud in sight, was cruel. Gah.

Heart-ache.


Spent the remainder of last week feeling mostly extremely drained, miserable, alone and the mere thought of joining the crowd of cheerful skiers was unbearable; unreasonably irritated by the pristine glittering whiteness covering everything; too perfect, too cold.

Sometimes the balance feels so very precarious... enough self-assurance to at least face the world, life, or to just withdraw into hiding...

[Times like these, I keep thinking that I want to be one of those strong people who can deal with solitude... I can, most of the time, but that's more habit than strength, I think... ]

However, forced myself to go out for a 1.5 - 3 hr walk every day, so there's at least something. Read a lot.

By Monday my mood had improved, just as the weather was steadily worsening. Long walk around the lake.

Tuesday it really started snowing, spent the day inside, finished re-reading Buddenbrooks, looking out into the swirling whiteness; dug out the car in the afternoon, clearing off at least 30-40 cm of snow.

By then I'd got a little stir-crazy, so Wednesday morning I set out to borrow skis & buy a ski-pass despite the still quite heavy snow-fall. Skiing wasn't too bad until noon, but then conditions steadily worsened; finally gave up at about 3 pm.

It's perhaps that we're not used to real winters any more, but looking out of the window during the evening, the car and everything else disappearing under a thick blanket of snow, a tractor-turned-snow-plow clearing the street and car-park, snow densly swirling in its headlights, coming down hard with no sign of slackening, the mood shifted from romantic and exciting to slightly oppressive, claustrophobic-scary.

Thursday... shoveled free the car, literally. 50 cm? I couldn't even get to Saalbach because of an avalanche blocking the road. Returned home, sent a frustrated SMS to my sister, who called and suggested I should try to drive to Leogang. Which I did, 5 hrs of skiing, not too bad, actually, considering the conditions... clouds finally started to lift a little in the evening. (Rationally considered it was masochism bordering on insanity to even leave home & get into a car, but once you've paid for skis & everything, this tends to create a kind of moral pressure... as does having to leave on Sunday.)

Friday was ok-ish, but also extremely daunting, because the weather had definitely started to improve, a light snow-fall soon petering out, but many of the upper ski-lifts and slopes were still closed because of the danger of avalanches. Still... the clouds finally lifted and started to disperse at about 3 pm, the sun coming through. On skis from 9 to about 16:30, had supper, dropped into bed, totally exhausted, asleep by 9 pm.

Saturday was perfection. A layer of mist soon dispersing, clear, cold, sunny... perfect. There's nothing that comes close to this feeling.


Lost a little weight, I think. Noticed that all the running - even as little as there was since Nov. - has helped a lot with the skiing, legs stronger, easier to control the skis at a higher speed or on difficult slopes.



Read a lot, but that's another entry... v. tired.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
fiddlerondaroof
Feb. 6th, 2005 07:27 pm (UTC)
ooops, welcome back, solitary_roamer!! =)
solitary_summer
Feb. 6th, 2005 11:15 pm (UTC)
thanks :)
un_crayon_rouge
Feb. 7th, 2005 08:29 am (UTC)
Yeah, welocme back! Hope you feel better soon...
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

Profile

schnecke
solitary_summer
solitary summer

Latest Month

January 2016
S M T W T F S
     12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
31      

Tags

Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow