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Strange. I (re-)watched the Ziggy Stardust concert movie on DVD, bought on a nostalgic impulse, and what baffles me most is my detachment. I've seen this so many times that even after ten years or more there's this incredible sense of familiarity, where very little is surprising and I still almost remember every move, every gesture, every face from the crowd. But what has disappeared entirely, to the point where I can't even recapture a remote echo of it, is the emotional reaction I used to have back in my fangirl days. I can't recapture what had fascinated and attracted me so much then, not even a memory of how it felt. And Bowie was my big teenage crush, life-sized poster on the wall, dozens of other posters, collecting cuttings from papers and magazines, watching every movie every time it was played in any cinema's summer program, large record collection, fanclub even, and did I mention The Crush?

I still listen to the music occasionally, still like it in an abstract way, but there is no emotional connection to it any longer, it's as if I'd entirely burned out in this respect. There's a lot of crappy eighties pop that gets a stronger gut reaction out of me.

When I got an autograph from David Bowie six, seven years ago, after the last show I saw, I wondered with a sense of melancholy nostalgia about how things tend to happen when they don't mean all that much any longer. Now I'm looking back and I wonder who this girl was who felt so strongly about this person (image of person?), and why she chose to do so...

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queerbychoice
Nov. 5th, 2005 06:01 pm (UTC)
That's what happened to me with Depeche Mode - they were my big teenage crush, but by the time I finally got to actually go to one of their concerts, their place in my heart had already been replaced by David Bowie.

I haven't had that problem with David Bowie, though. My feelings about him have changed some over the years, in response to new and sometimes disconcerting information about him; but there's always been enough left about him that I do feel strongly emotionally connected to that it only feels like my emotions have changed shape rather than shrank.
solitary_summer
Nov. 6th, 2005 10:45 am (UTC)
Perhaps 'teenage' is the keyword... it was all so tied up in the emotions involved, I never addressed this rationally even in my own mind. Perhaps I was so taken up with the defying of categories, the ambiguity (sexual ambiguity, too, I guess), the personas, and was too young to understand the need/wish to evolve beyond that. I got into Bowie at 14 /15, 'Never Let Me Down' was the first album I waited for and bought when it was released, so I must have become interested at least before, I can't remember exactly. Then I made my way back through the earlier releases, but as for the current ones... I was fan enough to like Tin Machine, but I remember not listening all too often to 'Black Tie White Noise'. 'Outside' is the last release I really liked, despite a certain pretentiousness, and perhaps it's no coincidence that some years later I became a fan of NIN, even if never really consciously noticed Trent's influence at the time or was aware of him at all...

Generally speaking I seem to have a better track record of success with authors than musicians when it comes to appreciating the body of work of someone's life-time, changing with them...

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