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Big news for once, although sort of... second hand? Not so much my big news, anyway. My sister announced at our family Easter dinner thing that she's pregnant. I'm still a little flabbergasted, I can't really get my mind around it that my little baby (alright, 29 years old...) sister is going to be a mother, or that I'm going to have a niece/nephew by November.

And I'm a little bit shaken, somehow. So far when people around me had children, it never really mattered in the sense that it disturbed my perception of my own life, but now... It did upset my fragile balance (illusion?) of contentment at least a little, and I can't help the feeling that I'm passing by my life without doing much of any significance. Some people do have a life, as the saying goes, after all. She has a baby, I post photos on the internet. Yeah. It probably can't be helped that I'll be even more the useless freak of the family, although to be fair I guess they do love me and it's probably only I who sees herself that way.

Oh, I guess I'll snap out of it tomorrow and re-arrange my perspective, but right now I could really do with a glass of wine, but I'd only end up upsetting my stomach again, so better not... ::sigh::



( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 15th, 2006 09:23 pm (UTC)
You're telling me...
Apr. 16th, 2006 06:52 am (UTC)
It *does* take some getting used to. Makes me feel old, too... Me. An aunt.
Apr. 15th, 2006 09:38 pm (UTC)
Well, I think congratulations are in order :-) And what, pray tell, does having a baby have to do with having a life? - I know what you mean though.
Apr. 15th, 2006 09:39 pm (UTC)
Man, it does upset me to see A. aroung here. Grrr. Stupid boy.
Apr. 16th, 2006 06:48 am (UTC)
Oh, I *know* it's not a very reasonable reaction, and can too easily be read as petty jealousy (perhaps even is, just a little), but it's what I felt at the moment, so I decided to sacrifice politeness for honesty... Doesn't mean that I'm not going to love her/him to bits, because I certainly will. Just, it still takes a little getting used to. My little sister. A baby. Wow.
Apr. 16th, 2006 08:06 am (UTC)
I didn't perceive it as jealousy. As you said, you're just stunned. And when something really big happens in the life of someone close to you - and there's nothing "bigger" than a baby, right? - you tend to re-evaluate your own life, the "big" things happening to you, or lack of them, and why you don't have them, what did you do wrong, etc... At least, it's what I do.
Apr. 16th, 2006 09:46 am (UTC)
Yes, that's it, pretty much. Yesterday I felt that *nothing* I could say or do at the moment, my life being what it is, could have any significance in comparison...
Apr. 16th, 2006 06:50 am (UTC)
* decided to sacrifice politeness for honesty

In this entry obviously, I certainly did not tell *her* that.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )


solitary summer

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