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If you'd told me a week ago I'd say this, I'd have laughed loudly and sarcastically, but I actually miss the epic meta post. In my head, that is.

Writing that took over my life so completely for the last six months that even now, when I'm walking, or driving, my thoughts still automatically drift in that direction, but there's nothing there any longer; finished, posted, gone. It's like walking into a room and finding it unexpectedly empty, and all you see is white walls, and all you hear is the echo of your own steps.

Actually—and, I guess, pathetically—the last time I invested this much time and energy in writing something I got an academic degree out of it. Granted, the page count was higher there, but I don't remember struggling this much, probably because I knew what I was doing from the beginning and at least wasn't flailing and fumbling around in a completely unfamiliar field. And I don't think I've ever experienced writing and thinking as a process like that. The TW parts are not that far removed from what I've written before, although there are also new thoughts there, but the DW parts are entirely new, and there I had absolutely no idea where this would go when I started rewatching and making notes. Watching it all come together, piece by piece, moving paragraphs around, fighting for the right words, was absolutely fascinating for someone like me who isn't much of a writer. Things started to connect in ways that surprised even me, and especially once I decided on a single chronological sequence for both shows it suddenly became one single story, or two sides of the same story, and you could see how the themes criss-crossed back and forth, developing across both shows...

I miss idly shuffling around all those thoughts in my head, and being surprised by new ones.

And what really depresses me is that this is probably the best thing I'll ever write, fandom-wise. At least at the moment there isn't a show that even remotely inspires me to write something on this scale again, one that I love completely, but with just the right degree of frustration to keep me thinking about it...



(And the thing that makes me want to bang my head against the nearest wall is that my brain doesn't seem to be capable of generating this kind of enthusiasm for something that might actually be productive in the real-life sense. I keep thinking, if I'd at least spent all that time learning Russian, I'd probably be reading Dostojewski by now. Gah. Stupid, stupid brain.)

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
un_crayon_rouge
Sep. 5th, 2010 05:10 pm (UTC)
I feel like I have to rewatch Torchwood, and possibly aquire and watch DW before I read this. Or, I'll read it, won't understand half of it, then re-watch, then comment. Something like that. I'll make it my autumn-project :-)
solitary_summer
Sep. 5th, 2010 05:18 pm (UTC)
Seriously, really, this-is-not-me-being-coy, please don't feel obligated. The whole thing is almost 30.000 words long, and it probably won't make a lot of sense unless you know DW.
quickbeam.dreamwidth.org
Sep. 15th, 2010 04:59 am (UTC)
DW is still on my "on hold TV" list, but if I finally get around to finishing it someday, I know exactly where to go to for all the meta and thinky thoughts. :)

Still in awe over the size of those posts...
solitary_summer
Sep. 16th, 2010 06:50 pm (UTC)
Still in awe over the size of those posts...

*g* Looking back after a couple of weeks, it feels slightly... surreal that I actually wrote all that.
sensiblecat
Nov. 1st, 2010 10:29 pm (UTC)
Found these observations extremely interesting because my own obsessive symptoms re DW have been very similar and (I suspect) made me hell to live with at times.

I have a theory that fandom obsessions become less containable when we hit the point at which fantasy/projection becomes meta - certainly this was true for me. I wrote a lot of fic and spent over a year trying to force Journey's End in particular into a form I could live with; it didn't happen and now I'm channeling a lot of that effort into meta instead, not so much on-line but also into an MA dissertation. It's not on DW, it's about fictional representations of Shakespeare, but a lot of the thinking overlaps.

I'm rambling, but I think what I'm trying to say is don't apologise for your writing. It's important to analyze popular culture and provoke this trivia-fixated society to think.
solitary_summer
Nov. 3rd, 2010 11:35 pm (UTC)
My brain is sadly lacking in imagination and more or less completely refuses to write fiction, so I can't really compare; in the very few cases I even attempted it, it certainly felt... lighter, more playful, maybe, but that might be just me. I've never been any kind of writer.

Re: analysing popular culture—sometimes I really wish I'd picked a different academic field, because I find these phenomena and what they reveal about society really fascinating.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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