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Autumn. From last Sunday, when I was still allowed outside, walking from Neuwaldegg to Hütteldorf.

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( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
un_crayon_rouge
Oct. 16th, 2010 06:26 pm (UTC)
Just wanted to say I'm sorry you're feeling bad. You are a beautiful person with so many talents. I hope you find some help or find something or someone to make you, if not happy, then at least a bit more contented. I wish I could help...
solitary_summer
Oct. 17th, 2010 10:21 pm (UTC)
Thank you for commenting anyway. :) I keep waiting for this year to get better, but it doesn't. And I keep thinking, you're supposed to become more sure of yourself as you grow older, but instead I'm getting more and more insecure and it feels like I'm losing myself completely...
un_crayon_rouge
Oct. 18th, 2010 04:27 pm (UTC)
I suspect that's the big lie: that we're supposed to get more sure of ourselves with the passing of years, when it's really the opposite. When you're young, you're not worried very much, you're still confident it will all work out somehow, you'll find your place, all that. It's when we get older and see that it *doesn't* work out all that neatly, that there's always something missing (and there always is, for everyone - that's another suspicion of mine) - THAT'S when we start to panic. It's just that some of us keep themselves more distracted.
solitary_summer
Oct. 19th, 2010 10:23 pm (UTC)
I think you're right; that's something I've really been struggling with lately, that I've (finally) lost the hope that someday it will work out, that it will all get better, that there is some sort of progressive development. I don't know if it's stupid or naive that apparently I clung to this so long, even if I wasn't aware of it, but it's hard to live like this, without the hope.

Edited at 2010-10-19 10:23 pm (UTC)
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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