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Left work at 2, went home, had a salad (and it's such a relief that my stomach can handle salads - and fruit, at least in moderation - again without any problems, I'd really missed them last summer, worse than chocolate, coffee or the occasional glass of wine), was feeling a bit tired, lay down on the bed, read a couple of pages of Buddenbrooks and promptly fell asleep. Thought I'd sleep for an hour perhaps and then do some belly-dancing practice and woke up three hours later. Right. Apparently this weeks's sleep deficit is finally catching up with me...

Has the strangest and most vivid sequence of dreams, the weirdest and most disturbing part of which (and the reason for this entry, since it's a little difficult to get to this part without some kind of preamble) was the part where I dreamt I was dying. Apparently I wanted to [and this is another aspect I find disturbing, especially since many of the other parts of the dream(s) were clearly influenced by recent events, because I have been feeling really well lately, none of those depressed wanting to die moments], because I took some kind of poison someone gave me out of my free will. And then I the paralysis set in, I felt my body shutting down slowly, and I wasn't even frightened, although even within the dream I fully expected to panic when I couldn't move any more, until the moment when it should have been all over, when I thought it was over, but then wasn't and I could get up again. I wasn't frightened during the dream - I remember almost being angry, although a little relieved, too, when it hadn't worked, but I was definitely shocked waking up and remembering, and a little scared. I'm not superstitious, I definitely don't think it's a premonition of any kind, but to dream your own death in such detail... it's a little uncanny.

And then, there was another, rather fantastic part, that had John Barorwman in it, albeit briefly and in entirely boring and unimaginative ways...

My subconsciousness can be a weird and predictably boring place all at once.



( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 13th, 2007 10:07 am (UTC)
I have those kind of "shutting down, being paralysed" dreams all the time, but only when I'm sleeping in the afternoon, never at night. I just lie there, asleep, knowing that I am asleep, but suspecting I may be dead to, wanting desperately to move, thinking: "If I *want* to move then I have to be alive, because only living persons can want, and if I want to move I *can* move, so why can't I?" It's really frightening. Gah.
May. 13th, 2007 05:56 pm (UTC)
That sounds awful, do you even dare to fall asleep in the afternoon any more? I was really a bit reluctant to go to sleep at night, because even if I tell myself I'm not superstitious there was something about that dream... it's just... something you *shouldn't* experience before... es halt soweit ist, even in a dream... gah. Can't explain that properly, but it felt weird, and wrong.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )


solitary summer

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