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God, I'll be glad when this week is over.

I still think I wasn't wrong as such, because this wasn't a spur of the moment thing, it's been building and brewing for a long while, but I just should have shut up. And I do realise that it's a difficult situation for her too, but my temper is completely frayed since autumn and this came on top of last week (Thursday: our 7-10 pm seminar [*]; Friday: flickr meet, which I was at least rational enough to quit at around 11ish and not so drunk that I'd be hung over on Saturday: work from 10-17, alone, no lunchbreak; Sunday: horse duty dumped on me since Ch. got the flu), so I was tired and cranky and well, things went straight to hell on Monday. BTW – next week: Monday: work, half of my Russian class, seminar, home at 10; Tuesday: work, belly dancing class, home at 10; Wednesday: horse, work, possibly niece; Thursday, Friday, Saturday: work. I'm making a resolution here to just Keep. My. Mouth. Shut, whatever it is, whatever it takes, whatever it costs, invest in valium, anything, or I won't have a job the week after that.

I want time to go out and take photographs. I want time to write and catch up with all my 'unfinished'-tagged entries. There's Torchwood stuff among that. I want time to calm down enough that I actually can focus on a book instead of just reading a couple of pages here and there and get irritated, impatient and unfocused. I want more time for Russian. And I want time to watch tv shows on DVDs.

Speaking of which, downloaded & watched the pilot (which I liked) and first episode (which I didn't like so much since it added very little, and I didn't really appreciate the re-cast when I'd just started to like the characters) of Being Human. Also (and perhaps irrationally), werwolf guy sometimes reminded me a lot of Ianto when he takes his glasses of.

And speaking of that, Torchwood S3 trailer. *warm fuzzy feelings* OMG, I miss that show so, so much.

[*] Extended footnote: We did a test to find out what causes stress for us, and unsurprisingly my problems are that 1) I'm a perfectionist, and b) I try to please everyone. Which, like I said, no surprise at all, but the latter made me wonder if that's the reason why pretty much all interaction with other people makes me apprehensive, because I always try to figure out what they expect and meet everyone's expectations or am convinced I'll fall short of them anyway. It's better once I'm in the middle of the situation, but all by myself I get anxious and play out worst case scenarios in my mind and it makes it impossible to even try dating with the intention of dating, because that's all about meeting someone's expectations. Also, this: I never made a decision not to become a dentist, or mechanic, or physicist. I never made the decision not to study Swaheli, or Norwegian or do a gazillion other things I can't even think about because I don't know about them. So I don't think it's true that as a child, growing up in that particular family situation and not knowing any other, I made a decision about becoming that perfectionist, wanting-to-please-everyone person, unless you're working with a rather strange definition of the word. Decisions are a difficult and ambiguous enough thing when you're an adult. I may be on one end of the scale, but the coach person is right at the other, where people need to believe they have complete control over their lives.



( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 6th, 2009 05:28 pm (UTC)
Your footnote describes me as well. I've learnt to call it what it is: fear. Actually, whenever I stop to think the several reasons why I seem unable to do something I'd like to do, I can replace each and everyone of them with that word.
Feb. 9th, 2009 10:39 pm (UTC)
We've learned today that we should write down our fears, and then try to distinguish between actual possible consequences (and whether they're really as bad as we think they'd be) and what is only happening in our minds; to unravel the tangle a bit... I think I might actually try that...
Feb. 11th, 2009 12:51 am (UTC)
Yes, they look pretty bad. And then when you actually manage to take a real step into a real zone you just realize how stupid you were. But only after you do. Heh.
(Deleted comment)
Feb. 9th, 2009 10:31 pm (UTC)
Unfortunately only for five episodes.... In June, or thereabouts. *sigh*
(Deleted comment)
Feb. 10th, 2009 10:06 pm (UTC)
The official reason (or at least the one given by John Barrowman) is that since they're moving to BBC1 they need to 'make an impact', so, only a single story divided into five episodes, shown over the course of a week. Apparently there were money issues, too, both while they were filming S2 and afterwards (and the S2 DVD set had a disappointing lack of extras and no commentaries), but I don't know any details.
Feb. 11th, 2009 11:41 pm (UTC)
Do you need help with your Russian?
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )


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