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Er. I feel like I should be updating with, um, actual words, maybe? The thing is, recently I whenever (rarely) I manage to type a couple of half-sentences, I invariably stop and wonder why I even bother, because it never seems worth saying, much less inflicting on others. Words dry up and fade away before the (metaphorical) ink has even dried.

I've also always thought being able to see things from different perspectives was a good thing, but I'm actually starting to wonder. Because for me it's almost too easy, comes so very natural, no effort at all. It's a lot easier than actually making a judgement, having a decided opinion on something. I do draw my lines, but even then, I'm mostly still able to at least sort of understand where it all comes from, however offensive to me it might be. I don't know what kind of person that makes me. And as a result mostly I tend to just... hover in the middle of everything, options and possibilities and motives and reasons and histories and... fade, in a way, as a person. Transparent. At the very least life must be easier and more clear-cut if your brain isn't wired that way. When not almost every opinion comes with so many 'but's and qualifications that in the end it doesn't even seem worth stating.


Yesterday, after much postponing, I finally got to see the Star Trek movie with G.. And okay, let's not touch the whole lack of women in that film, and maybe I didn't like Kirk a whole lot (seriously, that man should have ended up on the Darwin Awards list instead of in a captain's chair...) but every one else was completely adorable and the whole thing thoroughly enjoyable. (I know, Vulkan turns into a black hole, billions die, Spock's mother dies, big drama & whatnot, but in the end it's the warm fuzzy feeling of nostalgia and childhood memories, and Der Weltraum. Unendliche Weiten, *tadüüütadadadaaa*... that lingers.) I'm still trying to figure out who Karl Urban reminds me of, though. The LotR trilogy is apparently the only movie I've seen him in, but the thing is, every time he appeared on screen, I was thinking 'Russian', not 'Rohan', and I've no idea where that association might come from.

Had three spritzers afterwards and actually a lot of fun geeking out, in, ironically, the same pub where we had that huge blow-up years ago. It was really nice, which makes me hope things won't become all tangled & complicated again...

Now what to do about this urgent urge to watch some old school Trek... *g*


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 11th, 2009 04:31 pm (UTC)
Karl Urban was the sexy Russian assassin in The Bourne Supremacy a few years back - is that what's pinging your subconscious maybe?
Jun. 11th, 2009 04:45 pm (UTC)
I've never seen that, though - not even bits of it on TV. And it's only how he looks in Star Trek that brings up that specific association. Very strange.
Jun. 11th, 2009 04:51 pm (UTC)
The brain is a strrrrange organ alright!
Jun. 13th, 2009 10:37 am (UTC)
Heh, I had the same urge after watching Star Trek. Fortunately, I am a good geek and had all of the Original Series at home, so I could indulge :-)

I do draw my lines, but even then, I'm mostly still able to at least sort of understand where it all comes from, however offensive to me it might be. I don't know what kind of person that makes me I was thinking along the same lines only yesterday. I don't know what kind of a person that makes me either, and I too have the feeling of being sort of washed out. But then I think of how genuinely frightened I am of people who are so sure of their opinions and know all the answers, and I'd rather stay like this.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


solitary summer

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