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10 cm snow tomorrow? Are you kidding me? *groan*

Generally, though, feeling somewhat better. Although I can never quite decide if this process of getting used to the job again after a holiday is actually a good or a bad thing. But last week was horrible in the completely surreal what-am-I-doing-here,-please-kill-me-nownowNOW way, so improvement is... improvement, I guess.

I've started to rewatch DW, because I have the vague (as in, at this point, mostly watch and see where it takes me), but persistent idea of writing something about life and death/death and life in DW and TW/TW and DW, even while I tell myself I shouldn't. Complete waste of time. Complete self-indulgence that I have no time for, really. So many more important things I should be doing. One of these days I'm going to do a word count on all the TW meta I've written over the years & cry.

Anyway. S1. It's strange, because on some level I don't even like this show all that much; it's just too... family, I guess, but on another level I really adore it. I love the characters, each and everyone. They're so completely... connect-with-able, a quality that I'm almost always missing in USin TV shows. Father's Day is lovely, Boom Town is so brilliant with the scenes between the Doctor and Margaret, Dalek has some very good bits too, and of course there's TEC/TDD. It's strange to see Jack back in the beginning again, still without the burden of Torchwood and immortality, before things became so impossibly complicated. I was almost in love again the tiniest little bit for a moment. I don't even think he's all that great in the last three episodes (his hair definitely isn't, and neither are the outfits), but in these two, whoa. What an entrance. The finale isn't my favourite one, Bad Wolf with its media critique isn't very rewatchable, but the end of TPoW with Rose channelling the Tardis energy and the regeneration is just fantastic. Epic. Love it.

There's something that occurred to me—what Rose says in TPoW—'The Doctor showed me a better way of living your life. [...] That you don't just give up. You don't let things happen. You make a stand. You say no. You have the guts to do what's right when everyone else just runs away!'

I didn't consciously recall the scene at the time, but that's essentially what I was trying to say about Ianto's role in CoE, the dynamics between him and Jack. Ianto represents that at that moment, not Jack, who has no clear idea at all what to do, even though of course it's never that easy, and less so in TW than DW, because TW doesn't have the fairytale quality where having no weapons, no defences and no plan actually works for you in the end; there's no dea ex machina to evaporate the 456 and save Jack from either having to do something terrible or live with the even worse consequences. And Ianto takes it to maybe not quite healthy extremes, with a complete lack of instinct for self-preservation, but the more I think about it, the more I believe that it's Ianto's 'There's always a choice' in EW that defines him, because for him these are not empty words. He means it, all the way. Meant it when Jack pointed a gun at his head.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 11th, 2010 08:57 am (UTC)
I suddenly had this idea: why don't you collect all the meta you've written over the years, not just DW and TW, but also Angel and Smallville and whatever else there is, and make them into a book? Not to send to editors or anything, but just for you and maybe other interested people. You know, with chapters and sections and an index and goddamn footnotes and all :-) There could be summaries by season and brief descriptions of characters for the people who haven't seen the whole thing. I think it would be AWESOME and maybe if you saw it all together, actually held it in your hand, it wouldn't seem like a waste of time, but instead you'd think what an incredible amount of deep thinking about life and death and love and choices and all that you've done throughout the years.
Mar. 11th, 2010 09:23 pm (UTC)
Aaaand... there go the next few years of my life. *ggg* Seriously, my perfectionism would totally fuck that up. The only thing I'm really happy with so far is the big!epic! Jack/Ianto post, because with all the negative opinions about their relationship after CoE I felt this was something I wanted/needed to do thoroughly and propperly. But otherwise.. Livejournal at least allows me lazy shortcuts and being all emotional and subjective, and occasionally a bit schlampig. :)

Ignore my whining, mostly I'm happy with it anyway. Or at least the writing makes me happy. Being at work and scribbling ideas on little bits of paper. It's just, if I'm ever going to write this thing about life & death & whatnot in DW/TW, if things sort themselves out enough to fall into place, which I'm not even so sure yet, this is going to be big & *very* wordy, and the time I'll need for that kind of scares me a bit. And I should be doing other things...

(edited for missing words & such, sorry.)

Edited at 2010-03-12 12:26 am (UTC)
Mar. 12th, 2010 08:44 am (UTC)
And I should be doing other things... You mean, things that you are better at and that give you more pleasure and make you feel more fulfilled, right?
Mar. 12th, 2010 07:41 pm (UTC)
Right now, RUSSIAN HOMEWORK OMG! Sonst wird's nie was mit Krieg und Frieden, usw. auf Russisch... ;) Also, exploring options for a possible job change. *deepsigh*

I guess it's the fact that this is something I really enjoy doing a lot, but even if with the RL people I can talk about this it's hard to convey that without coming across as completely weird. Photography is respectable, writing TW meta, not so much. And I always feel guilty, because the fact that it makes *me* happy doesn't seem justification enough... Nothing new there, I should get over it, I know.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


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