life without a plot

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solitary summer
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40, frustrated, book-store employee, former archeology student. Politically leftish, but rarely post about politics. Atheist on even day, agnostic on odd ones. Art, books, music, TV; no pretensions or delusions of good taste. Learning Russian. Taking photos. Fangirl that never quite fits in anywhere; professional lurker. Wordy meta. British spelling, German accent, the unavoidable Americanisms. Prone to depressive spells. Socially awkward and quite horrible at commenting and/or replying to comments.

Fanish stuff is public, more personal ramblings sometimes are and sometimes aren't, depending on my mood.

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"There are three things I don't do: tan, date and sing in public."
- AtS S2 Judgement -

"Fry, this isn't TV. It's real life. Can't you tell the difference?"
"Sure. I just like TV better."
- Futurama; Leela to Fry in When Aliens Attack -

It is only that people are far more different than is pretended. All over the world men and women are worrying because they cannot develop as they are supposed to develop. Here and there they have the matter out, and it comforts them. Don't fret yourself, Helen. Develop what you have; love your child. I do not love children. I am thankful to have none. I can play with their beauty and charm, but that is all--nothing real, not one scrap of what there ought to be. And others--others go farther still, and move outside humanity altogether. A place, as well as a person, may catch the glow. Don't you see that all this leads to comfort in the end? It is part of the battle against sameness. Differences--eternal differences, planted by God in a single family, so that there may always be colour; sorrow perhaps, but colour in the daily grey.
- E.M.Forster, Howard's End -

Der Mensch ist unglücklich, weil er nicht weiß, dass er glücklich ist; nur deshalb. Das ist alles, alles!
- F. Dostojewskij, Böse Geister -

There are vast tracts of my nature I never knew existed until now. I lived, I suppose, in a cell of my own creation, while outside its walls lay a landscape of unparalleled richness. But I could not bear to venture there. In my self-delusion I thought I was a minor king and didn't want to step beyond the bounds of what I knew for fear I lost my dominion. I daresay most of us live in such pitiful realms. It takes something profound to transform us; to open our eyes to our own glorious diversity.
- Clive Barker, Galilee - 

The spiral is an attempt at controlling the chaos. It has two directions. Where do you place yourself, at the periphery or at the vortex? Beginning at the outside is the fear of losing control; the winding in is a tightening, a retreating, a compacting to the point of disappearance. Beginning at the centre is affirmation, the move outward is a representation of giving, and giving up control; of trust, positive energy, of life itself.
- Louise Bourgeois -

Zu einschneidenden Veränderungen fehlte ihr seit jeher die Kraft. Sie ertrug den Alltag nicht, sie hatte von etwas anderem geträumt, aber Mut hatte sie auch nicht, und so blieb eben alles wie es war. So war es eben. Es hätte schlimmer kommen können.
- Eva Menasse, Vienna -

Dann ist nichts mehr, - Schweigen und Nacht. Aber der nachschwingend im Schweigen hängende Ton, der nicht mehr ist, dem nur die Seele noch nachlauscht, und der Ausklang der Trauer war, ist es nicht mehr, wandelt den Sinn, steht als ein Licht in der Nacht.
- Thomas Mann, Doktor Faustus -

He did not grieve, knowing his life was a day long, or an hour. He did not wonder who made him. He did not wish to be other. He did not pray. He did not hope. He only was, and was, and was, and that was the joy of it.
- Clive Barker, Sacrament -

And if you look at your reflection :: Is that all you want it to be? :: What if you could look right through the cracks :: Would you find yourself - find yourself afraid to see?
- Trent Reznor -

Draussen ist der Himmel fürchterlich blau, so tiefblau, dass man das grosse kalte schwarze Universum dahinter fast mit den Fingerspitzen berühren kann.
- un_crayon_rouge -

'I'm not in the least degree interested in women as such', said Stephen. 'Only in persons.'
- Patrick O'Brian, HMS Surprise -

Die Unmöglichkeit, anders zu schreiben, als man schreibt.
- Thomas Mann, TB 16. 10. 1953 -

To have faith requires courage, the ability to take a risk, the readiness even to accept pain and disappointment. Whoever insists on safety and security as primary conditions of life cannot have faith; whoever shuts himself off in a system of defense, where distance and possession are his means of security, makes himself a prisoner. To be loved, and to love, need courage, the courage to judge certain values as of ultimate concern - and to take the jump and stake everything at these values.
- Erich Fromm -

I believe that hope comes naturally to us, when we don't have it, it's because we are pushing it away.
- un_crayon_rouge -

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